Another Typical Mission
by ElricTheDragoness
Summary: Another typical mission with another typical HP crossover with another typical exclusion of Al. Read it anyways, cause I said so. I might add Naruto in the mix. Let me know if that sounds good. Ch2,up!
1. Chapter 1, Another Mission

**I dunno, it just came to me on a whim. Yeah, a typical HarryPotterxoverfic. Forgive me, I didn't know what to cross it over with. Just tell me if you want it to continue. It is RoyEd, by the way, but it's rather descreet and.. uh, yeah. Just read&review.**

**.BEGIN x234**

Roy Mustang casually rested his head on his right hand. He smirked as the young boy shifted uncomfortably beneath his gaze.

"So tell me, Fullmetal," he drawled, smirk broadening. "When were you planning on informing me of the damage you inflicted on 3 buildings of great importance to the military?"

"Shut it, Colonel Shit. Why did you call me here?" Edward spat the words rather rudely.

Edward Elric had decided when they first met that Roy Mustang could be quite a pain in the ass. Roy Mustang, however, took an immediate liking to the boy, though he would die before he admitted it. He couldn't quite depict what it was about the boy that he liked so much; he only knew that it was undeniably pleasurable to tease and pick at the younger boy's (lack of) height. This was one of the many reasons Edward Elric despised, loathed, _detested_ reporting back to his smug-bastard-of-a-commanding-officer.

"Show respect to your superior officer,"the Colonel said, his smirk widening still. "As you may have already guessed, you have another mission. We leave in two days. I'll inform you of the details another time. I refuse to stay here late due to your tardiness. Go back to your dorm; I will call you back tomorrow. Come _promptly_. Dismissed."

Edward left, grumbling about the pointlessness of calling him there in the first place. Al joined him outside of the office and quietly followed.

**15 hours or so later.**

The next morning, the phone rang at a time much too bright and early for Edward. He groaned, turning over to pick up the source of the shrill, irritating ringing.

"WHAT." It came out more like an order than a question.

"Is that how you always answer the phone?" A rather egotistical voice sang brightly, "Come to my office. Now."

Edward could just see that damn smirk. "You knew," he growled, each word laced with venomous danger. "You knew I was still sleeping."

"Not anymore, since you're due in my office in…" the cheery voice paused, obviously looking at a clock. "Oh, look, 10 minutes. Not that it matters, eh, Fullmetal? You're always late anyway."

**An hour or so later.**

"Brother, he won't mind. You're always late anyway, just knock!" Al's hollow voice echoed through the armor. "He's been waiting for a while now."

Edward kicked the door open instead. "Yo," he greeted coolly.

"Oh yes, Fullmetal. _Yo_. I was going to say something about a certain new mission, but instead I think I'll teach you something called 'knocking'. It's when you- yes, you've got it, you just ball up your fists like that and shake them, just like how you're doing it now. Yes, and then you place one of them against the door and knock. It creates a sharp rapping noise which is meant to attract the attention of the one behind the door you are knocking. You see, barging in like that, using your foot… it's considered rude." The undaunted man with hair the color of charcoal folded his arms as he rose from his cluttered desk. "As glad as I am that you've finally decided to arrive (one hour late), I'll skip the merry greetings and inform you of our newest mission."

Edward sat grumpily on the couch. "Okay, shoot."

"Well," Roy said, raising an eyebrow. "I was surprised yesterday that you weren't surprised, and I'm surprised you're not surprised now as well."

"Surprised?" Edward repeated, eyeing his superior suspiciously."About what?"

The raven-haired man calmly closed the door in preparation for the much expected outburst. "Surprised," he said, bracing himself, "that I said 'our' newest mission. As in… you and me."

**Um, skip another hour, I guess. Yeah, I can do that 'cause I'm the authoress here.**

It had been almost an hour since his brother's deafening 'WHAT' had rang through the Central Headquarters and Alphonse was beginning to grow worried. He had heard continuous shouts of 'damn you' and 'you planned this, you evil bastard' throughout the time he'd waited outside of the wooden door.

The door slammed open **(can a door 'slam' open?)** and an enraged teenager stormed out, not bothering to close the door behind him. "C'mon, Al."

"What's our next mission? Where are we going to go?"

"I'm attending a place called Wart-hog Academy," he snarled viciously. "With that bastard. You can't come, Al." He turned towards his younger brother, expecting a distressed response of some sort, but instead, his younger brother was quite composed about the whole situation.

"Well, why?" Al asked, "Is there any reason I can't come along?"

Edward sneered at the open door behind them, and quoted the Colonel's words, "Armor would attract attention. I thought you'd know this, Edward. Still _short_ of experience? You little being? That I can't even see behind this desk?"

Al stifled a giggle at the badly-done impression of the Colonel. **(Wow, yeah. I've can't imagine Al 'giggling' either, no matter how feminine he acts.)**

"If I finish the mission with no mistakes, I might get promoted. Two stars," he explained, pointing at his left shoulder. "Lieutenant Colonel. Not that I really care, but it's a bonus in salary, right? It's more for so we can search for the Philosopher's Stone. In fact, the place I'm going has a lead on the stone, which is why I'm going." He glanced uncertainly at his younger brother. "Are you really okay with this?"

"Well, you're not in there arguing with the Colonel anymore, so I'm guessing you're okay with the situation too. Why is Colonel Mustang going with you, anyway?"

"He said something about teaching and co-worker and stuff. How I'd blown up enough buildings and the military wasn't seriously going to leave me without supervision." He snorted. "He was acting like you were my parent, Al. But what's important is that you're okay with being alone while I'm gone." Edward looked directly at the (empty) helm's eye-holes.

"If you're okay with it, Brother, I'll be fine. I'll stay with Granny and Winry."

Edward straightened up. "You mean it? Well, I'm fine with going if you're okay with it, Al!"

Edward was in an exceptionally better mood for the remainder of the day.

**An hour ago; what happened in the office that the authoress never wrote about. By the way, this starts from the middle of their conversation-- some things have already been explained.**

"WHAT?" Edward's earsplitting screech echoed through Central Headquarters.

"I don't think they heard you over in Xing, Fullmetal."

"That's insane! Why _you?_!" He gaped at the smirking man.

"A soldier should always be prepared for unexpected—"

"Don't give me that! Damn you! Damn you, damn you, damn you! Why? It's none of your business! It's a personal matter, and you shouldn't bother us when we look for the Philosopher's Stone! You have no reason to come! I need it to restore Al's body!"

"Oh, about that…" Roy tried to give Ed a comforting smile (though it just looked like the standard smirk). "Al can't come either. I'm sorry."

"Wh—wha--?" Ed sputtered. "Why? It has everything to do with Al, yet it's none of your business!"

"Au contraire, Fullmetal, the State is very interested in the Philosopher's Stone, as is the Fuhrer, in case you have failed to notice. The stone was the key for our victory during the Ishbalan War; State Alchemists were given—" He stopped himself. "My point is that it is very important to the military, Fullmetal."

"So…" Edward's eyes widened as he processed the information. "S-so I'm stuck. I'm stuck ALONE with _you_! ALONE! You planned this, you evil bastard! For how long? How long will the mission be?"

"I have no idea. Perhaps a year."

He gaped at the Colonel incredulously. "And you expect me to just _accept_ this mission?"

"Actually," Roy said, sitting himself down on his chair. "Yes. If the mission goes smoothly, with no destruction of any buildings of any sort, you may be promoted one rank higher. A Lieutenant Colonel's funds are pleasantly generous compared to that of a Major's, considering the military's normal stingy standards."

"B-but we leave in two days!" Ed's eye twitched at the thought. "When did you find out about this! You could've told me yesterday! Why didn't you tell me?" Question after question, Roy's smirk grew wider. "We—we have to go shopping! For the supplies! Money! What is the currency there? And the exchange rate? What about their military? Will they be informed? How—"

"Fullmetal."

"How—how…" Edward's voice faltered. "Well, answer me!"

"I found out most of this information this morning, that being the reason why I called you in so abruptly. We'll go shopping (Roy paused, his smirk growing impossibly wide) when we get there. It's all been taken care of. Worry about packing your clothes. Pack lightly, they have uniforms."

Edward grunted irritably.

"Oh, and speaking of uniforms," the Colonel continued, "bring yours. You know, the one for the military. You haven't lost it, have you?" He narrowed his eyes accusingly.

"No!" Ed automatically denied. He scratched his head thoughtfully. "Uh, um,I retract my previous statement. I might've lost the uniform, but I'm pretty sure I still have the badge. Why do I need it?"

"You'll need to get another one then," Roy said flatly, ignoring his subordinate's question. "You are dismissed. You may leave now."

Ed growled. "Answer the damned question!"

"May I remind you that _I_ am the one thatgives the orders, and… no." The Colonel smiled complacently, waving Edward out of his office.

"WHY NOT! JUST ANSWER THE QUESTION!"

"Well," Roy said, scratching his chin thoughtfully. "I don't feel like answering it. Your hints are "teacher and co-workership", if you guess right, I'll tell you."

Ed howled in rage and frustration, kicking the door of his superior's office open, leaving a very satisfied Roy Mustang behind.

**xxCORE.**

**So how was it? Liked it? Hated it? Review anyways, please. Actually, I take that back. If you hated it, don't tell me. Just say something stupid like, "Z0Mgg, th4Tt was S0O0oo g00d! i L0v3dd itT! fangirl RAGEEE."**

**I'd prefer that to a dignified flame, seriously. I don't like it when people are like, "Well, it was okay, but I really didn't like the fact that you (blank) and (blank) with Edward and the character's are totally OOC, so please just go and die." It's no fun to read at all, whereas that "zomgg" thing up there is very fun to read and toreply to. Well, why are you still reading this? REVIEW!**


	2. Chapter 2, On the Train

**Thanks so much to my 4 reviewers! YAY! 4! …I sound like a lunatic.**

**SexySpoonsWillRuleUsAll, Naru-Rin, Bluie Twilight Star, and Aeris. THANKYOU.**

**Times infinity. Plus 9. Divided by Ed.**

**Okay, enough with that. About this chapter, my muse decided to play hide-and-go-seek. Do you know HOW HARD it was for me to write this without it! O'Muse… I miss you!**

**x.F1SHCAKE**

"What the hell are you talking about?" As he spoke a piece of chicken flew out of his mouth. The man sitting opposite of him made a face. It was totally _nauseating_.

The two were sitting in the corner of the small café in the moving train, at opposite sides of the table. The restaurant was almost completely empty, with only a cozy couple sitting 2 tables away.

"Fullmetal," he began, trying his best to ignore the sordid manners of the latter. "Finish eating, then we'll talk." The boy complied, stabbing bits of lettuce with his fork.

For the next 30 minutes, Roy Mustang had to endure the appalling dining habits of Edward Elric. The man stared in disgust. "How come you don't eat like that in front of other people?"

Edward Elric paused in the middle of forking a baby tomato into his mouth. "That's exactly why; it's _because_ no one else is here. I don't feel obligated to 'mind my manners' in front of just _you_. And _that_ guy over there," he continued, pointing at the couple sitting tables away, "is, like, eating her face; they won't mind me," he explained, before returning his attention to the tomato. "Why aren't you eating?" He pointed at his superior's half-eaten plate.

"I can't find my appetite." He clutched his stomach.

"You mean you lost it?"

"Yeah."

A few minutes passed until… "There. All finished," Edward announced, letting his fork clatter loudly to the table. "Aren't you going to eat yours, Mustang?"

"I told you, I lost my appetite (watching you). Don't touch it," he said, swatting Edward's fork away from his plate. "You're done, Fullmetal." He called over the waitress (who giggled uncontrollably when he accidentally touched her hand in the process of taking the check from her) and paid. "We'll be staying in here, if that's alright," Roy told her. She nodded feverishly and walked away.

"So," Edward said, scratching his head. "What the hell are you saying?" Edward continued the conversation from where they'd left off. "We have an entire week before the school starts, but we still left today? Why?"

"Not an entire week, Fullmetal. Only 5 days until the school begins, leaving 4 days to prepare. The place we're going to may…" he paused, searching for the right words. "…confuse you. It'll take some time for you to adjust to it."

"Why's the military sending _me_ anyway?" Edward had been wondering this since he had found out about the mission two days ago. "If this mission's so important that I could get a promotion, wouldn't they want someone more reliable than a teenager?"

"That's just it," the man said.

"Oh? Enlighten me, because that makes no sense, Colonel Shit." Edward leaned forward, narrowing his eyes. "At least _try_ to make me understand."

"Are you sure you want to know?" (Edward nodded.) "Well, they wanted someone who could fit in with the students there. You're going as a thirteen year old."

Edward's eye twitched, and he pursed his lips tightly together, fighting the sudden impulse to yell something about not being a shrimpy little runt-like midget. "Then why couldn't Al come?"

"When you're already shorter than the _average_ thirteen year old**(1)**, to bring a suit of armor as an object of comparison would just attract more attention to the little boy standing next to it." Roy Mustang couldn't help but chuckle at his own joke.

Edward snapped. "STOP LAUGHING AT THE LITTLE PERSON! THE SMALL RUNT! THE MIDGET BOY!"

The boy a few tables away stopped 'eating his girlfriend's face' to stare at the source of the commotion; the girl followed his gaze. Their jaws dropped when they realized it had been a kid, standing on his chair, shouting at the top of his lungs. How could such a little boy make such noise?

That did it. Roy burst out laughing, fell to the floor, rolling around, clutching his sides. Who knew that Edward could be such a riot?

Edward sat down, gawking at the Colonel. He'd never seen him laugh before. He'd seen Roy smirk, yes… smile evilly, yes… chuckle at Edward's stupidity, yes… but laugh, never. Edward paused. Wait a second— '_Roy_'? Since when did he call Mustang by his first name? Edward furrowed his eyebrows. It was strange, saying it: 'Roy'. It sounded nice, actually. Maybe he should call him 'Roy' from now on.

"Roy," he said, testing the name out.

"Yes?"

Edward jumped. The man had recovered by this time and was sitting across the table again.

"Nothing," Edward said, rather alarmed at how quickly Roy had recovered. As crazy as it sounded, he felt a little _embarrassed_ that Roy had heard him. "Anyways, you said you'd fill me in on the details about this WartHog place."

"Hogwarts is a school for special people," he began, wondering how to phrase it. "The principles of Equivalent Exchange are completely ignored at this school. They call it 'magic'. Their school is one of witchcraft and wizardry, and they live in hiding from the dominant race of non-magic people. The females of this hidden community are called 'witches' and the males are 'wizards'. Familiarize yourself with these words, and prepare for some severe culture shock. To them, Alchemy is also a form of magic which deals _a little_ with Science."

Edward made a face. "I find that insulting," he announced.

"The objective is to protect a certain boy from some escaped criminal. He is notorious within their community for murdering 13 people with one curse. The school requested, if possible, two 'guards' who were skilled with combat skills as well as Alchemy. One should be young, who could blend in with the students, and the other should be older, who could pose as the teacher a new Alchemy class. There will also be other guards with the same objective. You are not to allow anyone to know of your purpose there, although you may share of your background, excluding that… incident with human-you-know-what. If anyone finds out about your limbs, you must lie. That's an order." He scratched his chin thoughtfully. "It will, however, be publicized of our arrival from a different country with 'magical' backgrounds, so you may share of your experience with Amestris. Oh, and… Fullmetal?" He paused, gazing at the boy through half-closed eyelids. "Don't cause a commotion about your (lack of) height."

The latter clenched his fists. "Okay… Roy."

The man blinked, though otherwise indifferent to the use of 'Roy'. "Our stop is coming up soon. Get your bags, as well as mine while you're down there. Oh, before we get off…" He shoved his hand into his pocket, rummaging around until he found two rings. He handed one to Edward. "It rids us of language barriers," he said, providing no further explanation. "Hurry up; we need to find the inn we're staying at. A place called The Leaky Cauldron, I think."

By the time Edward had gotten the bags off the train, Roy had received written directions from a young woman.

"Let me see them," Edward said, snatching the small paper away from the older man. His eyes widened, and if this were an anime, you'd see a little vein popping up through his hair. "This," he huffed, turning to glare at Roy, "is not a map to the Leaky Cauldron."

"More precisely, it's her phone number, Fullmetal. She said she wasn't sure where it was, but she had something for me anyway." He shrugged, somehow keeping the smug smirk on his face the entire time. "She just gave it to me."

"If this is all you can do," Edward snarled, "how the hell do you think we're going to _get_ to the damn inn, Colonel Shit?"

The Colonel narrowed his eyes. "You should check both sides of the paper before jumping to conclusions, Fullmetal."

Edward flipped the paper over. He stared at the paper, then at the Colonel. "You said she wasn't sure where it was!"

"She wasn't sure," Roy snapped. "She drew a map of where she _thought_ it was, all the same. She is also a witch, though not from these areas." The man turned around and began walking in quick, brisk steps. The younger boy had to follow in lengthy strides to keep up with the man.

"That doesn't change the fact that she gave you her number," he muttered under his breath. He had no idea why he was peeved at the Colonel for accepting a stranger's number like that. It was hardly abnormal behavior for that damn womanizer.

Edward shook his head vehemently. Snap out of it!

**-+-dfkldfk(:**

**AH, I'm sorry it's so short. Like I said, I had a major case of writer's block (still do) and I have no idea how I came up with this chapter in the first place. Amazing— 5 pages with Verdana, size 9 on Microsoft Word.**

**I'm so happy—I got 4 reviews and 5 alerts for that first chapter! And I'm hoping I get similar results… Actually, more than that. PLEASE. PLEASEEEE.**

**(1) AND IT'S TRUE. I'm the height of an average 13 year old, and he's approximately 2 cm shorter than me, with a rough hand-calculated conversion from the US customary units to the metric. Ahhhh, that doesn't matter—I like short boys, they're so kawaii!**


End file.
